GOD'S DIVINE LOVE HAS
HUMBLED MY SOUL
By William W. Frase
In high school, some of my best friends were Christians of origin unknown to me. This was my first exposure to concepts like "being saved" and "accepting Jesus as my personal lord and savior." The thing I always came back to in my mind was, how could a God whom I supposed loved His children and His loving son, Jesus, condemn most of the people of the earth to hell when they would most likely die before they realized the necessity of being saved (whatever that meant). I assumed that I was probably one of these people that they said would suffer eternally in hell, since I did not feel that I had been saved (whatever that meant).
In my sadder moments, I sometimes tried to "accept Jesus as my personal lord and savior," but I just couldn't do it. I never thought Jesus was God, and I always thought that if anyone was going to save me it should be God. Sometimes I even wondered if I could be saved by God. But I must say that I did have a hope of being saved someday (whatever that meant).
In my college years, my thinking became more and more thoroughly enmeshed in the reductionist scientific paradigm that defines our current era. I continued in this line of thought until I had two experiences in college that made me question my version of reality. I will not discuss details here, but I call these instances in my life "mystical experiences." I will say that one of them was quite profound and had me "walking on air" so to speak for about three days. I do not believe that either of these experiences were directly related to the Divine Love. I consider them experiences of a more mental nature.
After having these experiences, I developed a voracious appetite for books that might explain these experiences and place them within a comprehencsive theoretical framework. To make a long story short, I found the "explanation" for these experiences, but once I found that answer I felt as if something was missing. At the same time, I also became very bothered by my sinful past. I thought I had found the answers I was looking for, but I was becoming depressed, felt a deep emptiness inside and a fairly constant, unexplainable pain in my chest.
I began to realize that the answers I had found still did not tell me what it was that Jesus was trying to tell people when he was on earth. I had always believed that Jesus was special but did not know what made him so special. I began to think that perhaps Jesus' actual teachings might tell me what I wanted to know so that I could be happy and free of pain. I also feared that I might have to wait until I died before I would get to learn what his actual teachings were (if he would even be able to come in contact with me, his being so high up in the heavens and all). I was hoping he had taught something more than the different religious and philosophical "-isms" I had studied up to that point.
I began searching the web for the truth about Jesus and his teachings since my library and bookstore searches had not been fruitful. I don't know if I expected to find anything new and enlightening or not, but I stumbled upon a Divine Love website and started reading the messages posted there. I was instantly amazed because I believed I was actually reading words written by Jesus that made sense and explained the "something" I felt I was missing and also the way to alleviate my depression and physical suffering which I knew were the results of my sinful past. I had, before finding this website, read quite a few other channelled writings so this type of mediumship was not new to me. The source of the Padgett writings never became an issue because their contents were so new and inspiring to me that I never really doubted their being what they claimed to be.
I also must tell you that even though I read as many of these truths as I could find at this website and believed that they were the best spiritual writings I had ever come across, I continued to spend most of my time studying and applying channeled teachings that only dealt with the development of the natural love. The best explanation I have for this seemingly contrary behavior is that I felt at the time that the natural love teachings I read were more in alignment philosophically with my "mystical experiences" than the Divine Love messages.
I was also afraid that if I prayed for the Divine Love I would lose my individuality and become some kind of robot of God without any real freedom to do what it was I thought I wanted to do. What I was really afraid of was finding out that my ideas and feelings of power, abundance, spirituality, freedom, control, wisdom, and knowledge were actually based on falsities.
It took a physical illness lasting several days (about six months ago) for me to realize that the natural love teachings were failing to bring about the results that I had hoped they would. For about six months before this time I prayed for the Divine Love, but only when I felt the recurrent chest pains. My prayers at those times were more from my head than my heart. My brief illness gave me the time I needed to reevaluate my life's course. I finally realized that I had to give prayer for the Divine Love a real chance. I began praying every opportunity I could. I began to pray earnestly with longing, and shortly thereafter I felt things I had never felt before and realized that my prayers were being answered. Thankfully, I eventulally found my way to the Foundation Church of the New Birth.
I have only been praying "religiously" for the Divine Love for six months now. I used to be what I would call a dishonest, thieving, conceited, self-centered, selfish, proud, lustful, greedy person. I was more concerned about how I appeared to others than with how I actually was inside. I thought I was very intelligent and that this intelligence somehow made me better than most other people. I was nice to people in general, and they seemed to like me, but I didn't go out of my way to help people either. I withheld my love until I thought other people deserved it, and I was very critical of myself and anyone else who did not live up to my so-called high standards. I was a foolish, evil man who thought that he was full of wisdom and goodness. Sure, I had a little wisdom and some goodness, but I was still a pretty pathetic character.
Although I am not yet completely free from my sinful creations, I become more liberated every day through prayer for God's Essence of Divinity. I have to say as one who has tried purifying my soul using natural love methods and praying for the Divine Love that THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO COMPARISON BETWEEN THE TWO! In my humble opinion the Divine Love path is far superior to every other path of purification and enlightenment available in the universe.
I used to consider myself a strong-willed person. Whatever I wanted to do, I did. But when it came to relieving myself of my depression and chest pains and memories of my sinful deeds, only God's Divine Love has brought lasting relief and a generous degree of forgetfullness during this short span of time. I believe that the natural love methods of healing have done me some good, but the benefits came more slowly and with more suffering.
I used to wonder how it would ever be possible for me to be set free from the memories of my sinful past so that I might be happy. I never dreamed of the freedom and happiness and meaning that I have already received in this length of time, and I know that I have only experienced this Love in the smallest amounts. I am so very excited about getting more and more of God's Divine Love until I am completely free of those things that I thought were a part of me but that I now realize were only my sinful creations which had attached themselves to my soul. Thank God that whatever we have created, He can eliminate!
Well, this is the abridged story of my journey toward God's Love up to this point in time. I want to thank those of you who made it to the end; your patience is commendable. I hope that my story may say something to you that will help you to pray for this Love with all of your might. I have fallen far, far short of what God has always wanted for me, but through His Infinite Goodness and Mercy and Kindness and Love I am on my way to becoming one of His Angels of Divinity, if not in this world, then hopefully in the world to come.
I am humbly yours,
Bill Frase