I WANT TO KNOW THE LOVE OF GOD
By Karen Lebel
I want to know the thoughts of God...all the rest are just details. --Albert Einstein
I first heard that quote several years ago... about the same time that I opened the door of my soul to the possibility that perhaps He does exist. Not that I believed it, really...that He existed...I just decided that I wanted to know the truth, whatever that may be. As we know, that is all He needs...just one little crack of the door, one mustard seed of faith, to allow His Love to enter, and after that, it does grow...and grow...and finally blossom into a field of gold.
To come, though, from that far away from Him can, to say the least, be difficult. Yes, I can honestly say that the past several years have been the most painful and angst-filled I have ever had in terms of the circumstances and situations of this earth life. Yet through it all, the miracle of His Divine Love has worked...as well as His care, protection, and ministrations through His Divine angels. I know for certain that when my soul cried out, "Please don't give up on me," He didn't.
But back to Albert and his insightful statement. I thought about that quote many times on this journey, and my mind knew that he was right.
After I was given the incredible blessing of finding the truth through Jesus' messages of Divine Love, I thought, "this is it--this is what Albert was talking about." Finally, I had the truth of the thoughts of God...and the joy and peace that came with that was like balm to my wounded soul.
I began to pray...and pray...and pray. There were, and are still times when the longings of my soul have been so intense for so long that it felt as if I had just done ten thousand sit-ups, it was that physical in feeling. And just as Jesus tells us, those longings never ever go unanswered. And somewhere in there, the desire to know the thoughts of God became the desire to know the Love of God--the Divine Love. I know that my soul had opened up and was saying those words over and over. And as He began to fill me with His Love, my soul changed its cry: I want to know the Love of God all the rest are just details.
Yes, as my soul came to experience His Love, it became the one and only important thing, as it should. The next part of it I didn't really expect, but it came to pass that a situation in my life, one that had caused most of the pain and turmoil through these several years, reached a point in which I had to make a choice of either the here and now, or eternity.
That may seem like a rather dramatic statement, but I am here to tell you that it is the truth. As Jesus has said in his messages, what happens in man's soul is truly a bloodier and more dangerous battle than the ones that the ravages of our earthly wars create. And this was for me the battle of battles...me against what felt like a sea of troops, all shooting directly into my heart and soul. Except that you don't come this far without knowing that you are not alone, ever. It's just that all that was left was this feeling of pain and death within me, and the burning of my soul that came from God...both so intense that I couldn't tell them apart...I felt that all I could do was let go and die. And I did.
Then it came...the miracle. The greatest miracle in God's Universe, and one that even now is still too new for me to fully grasp, too beyond words to describe here. All I can say is that if you can envision witnessing a body lying in a pool of blood, broken and cut to pieces, and then the next day seeing the same body not only in perfect form but now able to fly, that is what it felt like in my soul. Not only was the pain gone, but there was left a peace that went beyond anything I could have imagined. I couldn't even remember the pain I had felt a few short hours before. It was as if pain, sorrow, anger, sadness, and every other thing except love never existed.
Here is another analogy, for those women who have experienced childbirth. I recall that with the birth of my first child, when I didn't know or expect the degree of pain that would be involved, when it got close to the end I felt I couldn't take any more, or any longer. (Being the stubborn person that I was, I refused any medicine for the pain.)
My husband was there, and also my sister Kathy who is, hands down, the most beautiful, compassionate, loving soul I have ever known. I remember looking up at her and saying, "I can't take it any more." And she held my hand, looked into my eyes with such intense love, and said, "It's almost over." Her love alone carried me through the rest of it. A short time after that, it was over... and there was no more pain only the peace, joy and happiness that went beyond what I had been able to conceive (no pun intended). Perhaps this is a more perfect analogy, since I believe that is the single closest human experience to what the miracle of the rebirth of the soul feels like.
I have digressed, but not really, since that is the most important part of what happened, and through which the final words of my soul were born: I want to know God...all the rest are just details.
For it's not until our minds can understand His thoughts, that we recognize the truth of them. And it's not until we are blessed with His Divine Love that we come to know what it is and long for it even more. And it's not until that Divine Love has transformed us enough, that we recognize Him and realize that is all we ever really wanted...to know Him...to be in His Presence...and all the rest really is just details.
Those who read this may think, "What is she saying, that she has been completely transformed?" I know, that is a huge statement and one which should never be made lightly or on a momentary whim. I do know that I can only state that which I know to be true, which are those of my recent experience. If I were living in the spiritual world, there would be no question about it, since we know that the state of our souls is not hidden there.
In all honesty, to think in those terms, trying to relegate this into a measurable way seems to take away from it somehow, as it would whenever we try to explain the Divine in human terms. But neither will I say that it hasn't happened, for that would take away all meaning from Jesus' messages, which is to have faith, to trust in God and His Love, that it can happen to anyone, yes even while still here all of which I have completely believed and depended upon since I first read his messages of truth. Not because I felt that I "deserved" it, or lived a life that was pleasing to our Father in many ways, but perhaps because I needed that salvation, that miracle...and simply because I asked Him--about a bazillion times.
A month has passed since I wrote this account. I wanted to re-read it and see if I still feel the same. In a way, I am sad because, as is the case here on earth, some of the soul trying experiences of this journey can be difficult enough to pull us from the reality of our souls. Yes, the intensity of that experience has, in the day to day, faded a bit. But I can still close my eyes and remember the feeling. And I still don't minimize what happened, or what it meant. I believe that we are given glimpses of what the next level is for us, so that we can use the hope and faith of that experience to guide us.
And so, for me, I know that I was blessed with a gift...of knowing for even a few short days what it means to live in the Divine Reality of God.
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